Weight Loss, Goals, Life

It has been five months since I quit smoking and it seems I have replaced my addiction to cigerettes with an addiction to food. I have always had a passion for food and my husband is amazing cook which hardly helps my situation. His food is like heaven in my mouth and I can't just eat a small amount...nooooo...I have to eat enough for a small village. This usually results in me sitting on the couch holding my stomach saying "ohhhhhh I am so full" and "my stomach hurts".

Well today I have decided to get back on my little routine, not because I really want to but because I can't fit into any of my clothes and it's making me sad. About six months before I got married I started this little routine where I would eat "Healthy Choice Cafe Steamers" every day at lunch (just one ofcourse) and then for dinner I would just eat half of what was on my plate (which I'm assuming is more than one portion). I refused to stop eating the things that I love and I just ate less. I could never be one of those people who live off tofu and "diet" anything is disgusting. I think I actually run away from things that actually say the word "diet".

Eating less paid off and with no exercise (besides cleaning) and still eating the things I love, I was able to lose thirty (30) pounds before walking down the aisle. I was proud. I felt good and more importantly, I felt sexy.

Now any woman who has ever felt sexy in their life (which I'm hoping is every woman) knows that feeling that comes with it. It's this amazing rush of confidence and class. You don't just walk into a room, you glide...or in some cases you strut. You know....that walk that says "I am beautiful! I am woman! Yes my ass looks great in this dress! lol...okay maybe it doesn't say all of that but at the least, you will hear the voice of Shaft and he will say "ya damn right". Can you dig it?

I miss that feeling. I'm not saying you have to be skinny to be sexy and I definitely wouldn't recommend "no exercise". I think curves are vital part of being sexy. I've seen people who look like skeletor and I want to force feed them a cheeseburger.

I just want to be happy with myself. I want that level of confidence back....not just with my appearance but with my sense of motivation. I want to feel inspired. I want something that gives me a sense of drive!

I feel like I have spent the majority of my adulthood reading. I find things that interest me and then I research them like a mad man. One minute I want to take "guitar lessons", the next "improv classes", then "a sewing class" and then "piano lessons".

I want to do it all.

This usually causes me to get super excited about a new adventure which follows with the feeling of being overwhelmed and then I just do nothing. Sometimes I feel like this video...

This has to stop.

I want to live this life with everything I've got and then some.